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8 Simple Steps to Stop Sibling Rivalry

While many kids are lucky enough to become the best of friends with their siblings, it's common for brothers and sisters to fight. (It's also common for them to swing back and forth between adoring and detesting one other!). 

What to Do When the Fighting Starts?

1. Whenever possible, don't get involved. Step in only if there's a danger of physical harm. If you always intervene, you risk creating other problems. The kids may start expecting your help and wait for you to come to the rescue rather than learning to work out the problems on their own. There's also the risk that you — inadvertently — make it appear to one child that another is always being "protected," which could foster even more resentment. By the same token, rescued kids may feel that they can get away with more because they're always being "saved" by a parent.

2. If you're concerned by the language used or name-calling, it's appropriate to "coach" kids through what they're feeling by using appropriate words. This is different from intervening or stepping in and separating the kids.

3. When getting involved, separate kids until they're calm. Sometimes it's best just to give them space for a little while and not immediately rehash the conflict. Otherwise, the fight can escalate again. If you want to make this a learning experience, wait until maybe 10 minutes, 1 hour or the next day when the emotions have died down.

4. Don't put too much focus on figuring out which child is to blame. It takes two to fight — anyone who is involved is partly responsible.
Next, try to set up a "win-win" situation so that each child gains something. When they both want the same toy, perhaps there's a game they could play together instead.

5. Set ground rules for acceptable behavior. Tell the kids to keep their hands to themselves and that there's no cursing, no name-calling, no yelling, no door slamming. Solicit their input on the rules — as well as the consequences when they break them.

6. Don't let kids make you think that everything always has to be "fair" and "equal" — sometimes one kid needs more than the other.

7. Be proactive in giving your kids one-on-one attention directed to their interests and needs. For example, if one likes to go outdoors, take a walk or go to the park. If another child likes to sit and read, make time for that too. This teaches kids that they are safe, important, and loved, and that their needs will be met.

8. Have fun together as a family. Whether you're throwing a ball, or playing a board game, you're establishing a peaceful way for your kids to spend time together and relate to each other.

For older children and youth ...

*If squabble frequently over the same things (such as computer), post a schedule showing which child "owns" that item at what times during the week. (But if they keep fighting about it, take the "prize" away altogether.) They toys and gadgets are privileges, they should show good behaviour to earn the privilege to use them.
*If fights between your school-age kids are frequent, hold weekly family meetings in which you repeat the rules about fighting and review past successes in reducing conflicts. Consider establishing a program where the kids earn points toward a fun family-oriented activity when they work together to stop battling.

Praying on a Telephone Pole

Three parents sat discussing the best positions in Salah while a telephone repairman worked nearby. "Kneeling is definitely best," claimed one.
"No," another contended. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to heaven."
"You're both wrong," the third insisted. "The most effective prayer position is lying prostrate, face down on the floor."
The repairman could not contain himself any longer. "Hey, fellas," he interrupted, "the best prayin' position I ever had was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole!"

So why does it take the most desperate situations to bring out our most desperate cries to Allah? It's almost as if we delight in handling life in our own strength, until life rears its ugly head and gives us a serious beat down...only then does the idea of running to Allah cross our minds. Just like those three parents, I think we might have the wrong idea about what Salah is supposed to be all about.
Do I know what Salah is all about? It's probably one of the biggest mysteries in the universe. But don't let that stop you from challenging your perception of the most powerful force in the universe.

For some, Salah is like carrying around an 'emergency use' cell phone. It doesn't cost much, it's cool to have around, and if there's ever any trouble you can just dial for help.
For others, Salah is like dieting/exercise. You know you need to do it, you know it's incredibly good for you- but it's just too much work. So you talk about it, read about it, hear others chatter about it, even imagine what your life would be like if you did it...but you don't.
For most, Salah is like an incredibly expensive gift. You are so honored that you received it, and you'd love to use it- but you're just not sure how.

I think that's why Allah sent us the instruction manual in the pages of Quràn, reminding us of the proper use and care of this amazing privilege called Salah. Read these passages of the Quràn slowly and meditate over Allah`s instructions, because you never know when you could be hanging from a telephone pole!

Full article coming soon inshaAllah! 

Why Kids Listen To Music

The culture of music is a way of life: a way of talking, thinking, behaving and relating to others, that separates music listeners from those who do not listen. The culture encompasses values, places, rituals, symbols and of course lyrics or messages - all of which reinforce one's involvement in excessive music consumption. A particular music listener may have initially started to listen to music in order to deal with emotional issues or peer pressure.
James Lull (1987), in his book "Popular Music and Communication", discusses similar topics - how listening to music can enable one to escape from personal burdens and tensions, stimulate fantasies and feelings of mental and physical ecstasy, and to alleviate loneliness. Music helps to establish, reinforce or change moods. Anger, frustration, depression, restlessness, aimlessness, self doubt - these emotions lead one to seek music that mirrors the emotions, in an effort to seek validation. All these psychological aspects must be examined in the recovery process.

Giving up music addiction is easy but recovering from the psychological reasons which create the music addiction is difficult. In making the transition from the culture of music to the culture of recovery, the music listener has to learn to deal with the cues and cravings of the soul. Exposure to environmental and internal cues associated with emotional stress or hyperactivity can trigger cravings that cause cognitive and psychological need to see solace in music.

Full article coming soon inshaAllah!